


to all the people we cannot find

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Eating Disorders, Gen, Graphic Depictions of Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 14:58:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18593626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: vent fic.im very serious about not reading this if you might at all be upset by it. imo its pretty graphic/triggering





	to all the people we cannot find

you will feel your body beg for food. it will hurt. eventually, you will find you crave it. the feeling of eating will be something you come to loathe. being full (or even having something in your stomach) will give you nausea.

 

if you go for bone, you will get there. youll trace your hip bones, your collarbones, and it wont be enough. youll lay in bed, sucking in your stomach to see what you could be (what you should be)

 

every reminder that youre a person who needs to eat will kill you. seeing food, hearing about eating, being told about all the food someone ate -- it will make you so unreasonably angry, and you will take it out on yourself.

 

eventually you will reach the point where you think eating at all is binging. 

 

youll be cold all the time. your body doesnt have enough energy to keep warm.

 

youll feel weak and dizzy constantly. youll eventually connect why you feel like shit to your empty stomach, and then, you might ask a friend for some crackers, or a few chips. eating it will make you feel so much better. youll promise yourself to eat at least a little more. youll break it the next day.

 

there might be some times where you dont feel guilty for eating. you wont have a shadow over you as you take a second slice of pizza. youll think, “shouldnt i feel bad?” and you _dont_ , so that means youre over it, right?

 

your friends might make comments about your appetite, or at least about theirs. “eat more”, “thats a lot of food”, “i ate nothing today im so hungry” and you feel the need to never eat again.

 

youll see someone naturally skinnier than you, and it will tear you apart. double points if theyre someone you hate already.

 

your nasty brain just wants to drop all of your weight so maybe someone will give a shit about you. its not like they care. you want a thigh gap and your ribcage showing and stick thin limbs, everything you tried to advocate against when you were younger.

 

sometimes you think about your mother, how she was overweight for most of your life. how she told you if you could pinch an inch, it was too much. her begging you not to be fat like her. how thin she felt the last month she was alive, and how it scared you. maybe shed be disappointed in you.

**Author's Note:**

> it started generic and got more and more personal as it continued


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